Somewhere between getting the kids to roll out of bed, put clothes on, eat breakfast, argue over wearing sneakers instead of dress shoes for gym class, remembering to give them money for the book fair, and pack their lunches… without leaving the kitchen looking like a tornado hit it, things can get crazy in the morning.
Add a dash of poor time management and an overdose of coffee and it can turn into a real $h*t$h%w.
When the kids cooperate, all goes well. But we all know there are THOSE mornings, where someone doesn’t want to get out of bed, another decides to brush their hair for 10 minutes, breakfast becomes a bar on the way out the door, and the whole time your nerves are winding tighter and tighter. If you can make it out the door without losing your $h*t, good on you girl!! Sometimes though, we let it go, we scream at our kids, get grumpy with our husbands, and stomp out the door to put them on the bus or drive to school.
And then… #momguilt.
We instantly feel guilty for screaming at them, and now they sit, internalizing the things that just took place. So how do we stop it? ASAP? And how do we start to become more conscious of these feelings arising before they rear their ugly heads?
We need to first start by listening to our bodies. I will say that it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize the correlation between the amount of coffee I drink in the morning and how uptight I would get with my kids trying to get out the door to school. By listening to our bodies, I’m not just referring to the caffeine we’re consuming, but how we feel in general. Are we taking care of ourselves? Are we paying attention to our nutrition, taking the time to nourish our bodies and our souls? Are you using the excuse of being “too busy” to push aside your own needs?
A lack of attention to ourselves, will cause short fuses and high anxiety. Take the time to look within, start making time for yourself, even if it’s at the inconvenience of your kid(s) or spouse. Go to the gym, spend the time to prep healthy meals for yourself, begin a meditation practice, read an inspirational book, take the dog for a walk after dinner, take a bath, do something that brings you joy and relaxation. If you don’t have even an hour for yourself throughout the day, you need to take a look at your priorities.
So what happens when we feel these emotions rising? First, feel your state change. You are no longer relaxed, you are anxious, stressed, annoyed, or angry. Something has triggered you. Now it’s time to Stop, Think, and Breathe. Before you yell, STOP… evaluate those emotions, THINK… about why you may feel this way (it might have very little to do with the actions of your kids), and BREATHE. Then walk away, and re-enter the space when you’ve calmed down.
Another tip. Time management. It’s funny that we know our kids so well, and yet we overlook their tendencies when it comes to creating our own schedule. Example, my oldest takes a very long time to do anything. She is an easily side tracked daydreamer! It might take her an extra 5 minutes just to get her shoes and coat on. So why do I forget this all the time? Something I still work on is time management. Not waiting until the last second to have them put shoes and coats on because that just leads to me being frustrated with how long it takes her and her being upset because I’m upset.
Let’s say we do have a rough morning. We’ve overlooked the signs within ourselves and just blew up on the kids and now one is in tears and the other is grumpy. As the adult, it is our responsibility to clear the air ASAP. Otherwise, we adults know that we were mad because we are stressed about getting out the door on time, and nothing went our way that morning. Kids can internalize these emotions with thoughts of inadequacy, that their parents don’t love them, that they aren’t good enough. Very strong emotional thoughts go through their brains as they try to comprehend the situation.
We can nip this in the bud very quickly. We Apologize. IMMEDIATELY. Before the car even leaves the driveway or the kid steps on the bus. We have to set the record straight for them. Get over your feelings, and start the day fresh with your child before you part ways.
I hope that you can relate to some of what I’ve shared. If you are someone who is working on trying to yell less, try these tips and let us know how they work for you. If you have a strategy that has helped you out, please share it with us in the comment section below!
You’ve got this, and we’ve got your back!
Big love and peaceful vibes,